Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Crazy Town Singer/Celebrity Rehab Bloke Possibly Done Something Bad- Conjecture Pointless

So this chap called Shifty Shellshock, who has recently been whoring himself on reality TV and and is in a band called Crazy Town, was picked up by the LAPD for knocking his ?lady? about.

He denies it and who are we to argue? He told an interviewer that he didn?t

do domestic violence

and that the cops were there because his girlfriend was

being too loud.

Mr Shellshock�didn?t specify whether his girlfriend has a particularly loud laugh, or whether she was screaming too loud in response to Shifty branding her with a hot iron.

We?re sure everything?s great chez Shellshock and frankly we?re more interested in discussing the far more serious crimes against music that Crazy Town have committed. Remember them? Neither could we, so we asked one of the band?s own mothers, and her response was

weren?t they that terrible rap/rock band?

?Terrible rap/rock?. Imagine a post-apocalyptic nuclear war-devastated landscape. The vegetation is burnt to the ground and all but the most basic life extinguished. The very soil itself is burnt. Unpleasant isn?t it? You?ve just imagined the second worst evil that mankind is capable of committing.

The first is ?terrible rap-rock?- performed exclusively by two groups of people. Rappers who don?t understand great rock can come from insecurity, rage and a few other genuine emotions, but not just a hedonistic lifestyle and an overinflated sense of your own talent. And rockers who don?t understand that you have to have something useful to say in order to make great hip-hop. Oh, and the ability to rap. Baggy clothes, silly names and breakbeats aren?t enough.

?Not-terrible rap-rock? is a tiny micro-genre with a handful of good songs, and 95% of them are by the same band.*

But in the desolate shitscape of ?terrible rap-rock? there is a small charred patch that not even the most microscopic of lifeforms can�inhabit��(if indeed something can be ?more? or ?less? microscopic).

Ladies and gentlemen we give you Crazy Town?s 2001 hit single Butterfly.

*= the paucity of anything positive in the genre is proved by the fact that you know who we?re talking about.

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